Give love and you will receive love

The Only Reason I am Here

The Only reason I am Here.
I am only here for Tiger

 “This is the only reason I am still here!”

“Tiger is the only one who has time and love for me.”

I am done with the wickedness of this world!”

This photo was sent to me from someone who is very depressed.

What was causing the depression was not something anyone had done or said. It was not that there were not people who loved him. The world is not all wicked as he at this moment in time thinks, but there is a very painful emotion affecting him at this time which is over-riding all                                                                                              reason and rational thinking.

He is suffering as a consequence of separation from his children.

This is an issue which affects many people in our world at the moment.

Just 2 days ago a man who was suffering in the same way, decided on his access weekend to kill his child and himself. This is so tragic and could be avoided if families could work through their differences more amicably.

It is not an uncommon story and sadly it is usually the male partner who falls victim to the deep emotional pain of separation from his children.

With increasing rates of divorce or family breakups in the western world there is an increased risk of psychological distress to a parent and or the children involved in the relationship.

Did you see this post on Twitter recently?

Quote from The Australian Mens’ Health Forum

“According the World Health Organization, involved dads “live longer, have less physical and mental health problems, are less likely to consume alcohol and drugs, are more productive at work, have fewer accidents, are more likely to be satisfied with their lives and are more emotionally connected to their partners and children”.

As fatherhood promotes good health in men, the barriers to being a dad are also barriers to good health. One of the key barriers that prevents men from being involved fathers is family separation.”

Suicide Is A Major Risk Factor

There are around one million children living in separated families in Australia. At least 80% of these children live mostly with their mums and 50% spend little or no time with their dads. We also know that half of separated dads experience thoughts of suicidality post separation and more than 10 male suicides a week are linked to relationship separation”

Specifically, almost 4% of depressed men and 0.5% of depressed women committed a violent crime after their depression diagnosis, compared with slightly more than 1% of men and 0.2% of women in the general population, the researchers reported in the journal Lancet Psychiatry.

While the statistics indicate more women suffer depression the consequences of depression in men tel a different story.

Men can be up to 5 times more likely to self harm or harm someone else as a result of depression. This fact makes me question the validity of the statistics regarding the number of men suffering depression versus the number of women.

Some points to note from personal experience.

  • Women have a safety valve: They will talk to their friends about how they are feeling.
  • Women are more likely to seek professional help when they are feeling low.
  • Women are more socially engaged and they usually maintain the connection with their children.
  • Men like to portray the impression that they are OK and that they are not weak human beings.
  • Men will try to tough it out and suffer in silence
  • Men are less likely to seek professional help when it is needed.

The screenshot below demonstrates the differences between men and women s health issues. Note the tendency to self harm in this study.

The Me Too Movement.

Another concern I have is the Me Too Movement and its effect on men in our society.

It is good to call out wrongful behaviors, whether it be as sexual misconduct or otherwise. But are we taking it too far?

I feel for the men who have not and would not offend a woman because of their respect for them. They must be confused as to how they should conduct themselves towards a woman. They may have lost confidence to connect socially with women out of fear of being misunderstood and being accused of having different motives.

It is normal for a little flirting to take place between the sexes.

Girls you can’t have it both ways. If you are going to have your boobs hanging out of the top of your shirt or your panty line showing under your skirt, I think that should be considered sexual harassment toward men. How can you expect them not to be affected? It is like an open invitation” Here I am, look at what I have to offer, come and indulge yourself” I know this might seem like an old-fashioned idea but if you do not want them to taste the fruit then do not put it under their noses.

I am deeply offended by some of the posts women put on Google Plus. There was one the other day of a woman sucking on a penis. How does that command respect from anyone?

There is nothing wrong with a little modesty and in fact I think it shows a lack of respect toward men to flaunt your bodies in front of them. It is an assault on their senses and you cannot expect them not to react. They are made with sexual desire just as women are but the men are rarely seen flaunting their goods in front of a woman.

This confusion in men may have a negative impact on their emotional well-being and lead to depressive illness because of an inability to feel they can safely connect with a woman. Men like women need a healthy intimate relationship to maintain optimum emotional well being.

Girls We Need to Wake up!

I am no expert but I have been married for almost 50 years. We have had some tough times as everybody does but we have worked through them and remained strong in our love for each other.

 

Show respect to the men in your life. You reap what you sow.

Honor your commitment in marriage.

Raise your boys to love and respect women.

Raise your girls to be modest and respectful of men.

Allow and encourage your children to be open about how they are feeling. It’s OK for boys to cry, no its good for boys to cry.

Give love and respect and you will receive love and respect in return.

Put the needs of others in your family before your own. If everyone in the family does that it will be guaranteed harmony.

Lets get the balance right. Our men deserve a fair go too!

  It has to be more than Me Too but Them Too

If you need help with your depression or if you would like to help someone else struggling with depression then click on the link below.

Depression is a deep dark valley but with the right help we can climb out of it and enjoy the view from the top of the mountain.

Destroy Depression

 

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Comments

    • Kehinde Segun
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    This post is really interesting and pure insightful. Men are suffering from depression, and it is large percentage of them really do seek professional help. Maybe due to the arrogance in us or we just don’t want to show sign of weakness. Sometimes, women do take things too far really with men that normally cause mental damage for men. especially when we are being separated from our kids in most cases

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for your thoughtful response to this post.  We need to avoid the blame game but instead work together to create loving and harmonious relationships. That means both parties working at it.

    • Louis
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    Communities worldwide need to be reorientated. As a male child, it seemed an abomination to cry. We got trained to always ‘man up’ as though we don’t feel hurt. I remember after losing my dad, right there at the burial I was been told not to cry because I am a man. It doesn’t work, a male is a human being too and people should know that men are even more emotional than women. It’s never advisable to lock up hurt when you ought to let go of negative emotions.

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Louis you are so right on this point. We have done a great dis -service to our boys and now we are paying for it. Men struggle to cope with the emotional heavies they encounter and either they will lash out at others or take it out on themselves. We need men to be not just physically strong but emotionally strong. 

    • Ayodeji
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    Hi,

    Thanks for putting up a post like this,I really appreciate it and the awareness it will send out there about suicide.

    A lot of people are depressed and keeps it to themselves instead of talking to someone who could help and when the case arise probably talk them out of the suicide attempt. 

    Below is an helpline for suicide prevention

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

    You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for commenting and especially for adding the helpline number for people to contact. I will add that number to the website.

    • Neil Brown
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    I really like your post, you have done a great job of reaching out to your readers on a subject that has been getting more and more out of control, such as provocative dressing.

    It’s true, men do not live longer on average. Men do have a tendency to keep everything inside and yes, maybe they should cry a little more often, they just might live a little longer, thanks.

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      You put that really nicely Neil. Thank you.  I am advocating for a better deal for men. They are copping the short end of the stick right now. 

    • Yasodhara
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    This is an excellent service, helping someone who is suffering from depression. Nowadays lots of people suffering from depression and suicide and murders rates are increasing. As you said men used to be silent than women in this kind of situations. People need to develop their emotional intelligence, which needs to improve from their childhood. I think the development of emotional intelligence will help to reduce depression.

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for your comments. We do need to start with young children and teach them ways to grow emotionally strong and to equip them to handle some of the difficult situations they will encounter in life. I also think relationship counselling would help if entered into early in a marriage. 

    • Kenechi
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    Depression is a silent killer and men should try however they can to overcome depression. When someone suffers depression, they loose focus due to frustration. Everything seems to be worst with them but my point is that no matter the situation  one should always remember that the present condition is not the end of life. No one has the right to take his or her own life.

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Kenechi you are right no one has the right to take any life be it their own or someone else’s.  But with severe depression people can lose the ability to think rationally and in a very low point they may act irresponsibly and cause harm to themselves or another family member. That is why we need to be aware of the triggers and do what we can to help them through their despair. 

    • Clement
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    Thank you for this life inspiring and motivational post. I feel men always feel depressed when they are been separated from their family especially the kids. More measures should be taken to prevent cases of denying men from getting access to their kids. Thanks for this wonderful post. I will share this with my friends. 

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for your response Clement.  You are right, traditionally the mother seems to have the better amount of time with the children. Fathers feel as deeply and are just as engaged emotionally with their children and they need to be listened to. It is good that you share valuable information.

    • mzakapon
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    Hi 

    Thank you for writing this excellent article with all necessary information about depression and it’s solution. I believe many people fall in big depression in their struggle life. Sometime, we can not tackle it for lacking of our knowledge. Depression based on relationship breaking is a common issue and we should be careful about this. these article is a great tip for any body who are frustrated also. I am going to share this with my friends and family member.

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for taking time to comment. Depression is such a big problem now and so I feel we all need to do our best to address it and reach out to those who suffer . If you know someone suffering from depression it just might help them to come to terms with their illness. 

    • Mark
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    I can certainly see how that would happen. Sadly, people these days no longer work to keep their families together. I was raised without my dad, but in my case, my dad never seemed to care about staying in contact. But all that aside, I have a number of friends who aren’t allowed to see their kids, yet are expected to pay up for their child support. In fact, I have a cousin that happened to, as well. He’s been really depressed about this, as that little girl is the only child he has. I’m going to share this article with him. Thanks for posting this!

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for your thoughts Mark.  Some men do cop it tough and society often just expects them to cop it on the cheek and move on. It is not that simple. Men love their kids equally as much as the mums do. The separation can be devastating for them.

    • Clement
    • February 9, 2019
    Reply

    Glad you were able to put this piece of highly informative article together. Separation is such a bad thing that it easily lead to depression in man. I think women are emotionally flexible and they are quick to share their problems with loved ones easily but man prefer to fight this battle inwardly and act like they are going through nothing which easily leads to frustration.i think measures should be taken to allow men have access to their kids. 

      • admin
      • February 9, 2019
      Reply

      Thank you for your comment Clement. This is a big issue and it was brought to my attention through someone I know, someone close to me. I was speaking from personal observation of how it affected this person. WE need to train boys from a very young age to share their feelings rather than try to bury them. 

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